Not only I need to extend my exam, but also my coursework because god knows I was mentally depress for the whole third year. It's not all that bad when I think about it, on the good side, I manage to deliver my FYP, not the best, but I'm satisfied with the marks I got.
So now, I'm just starting all over again with my studies from week 1, getting myself prepared for August paper. Hope the mitigating circumstances I applied is approve. If not, god knows I have no idea what to explain to my parents for my lack of doing any academic related stuff this year. Lock-down and online studies hit me hard, so hard that I have no more motivation to study of even think about what sort of future I'll be having. But than again, I know too damn well that the future me gonna regret this, but what would Syauqi of the present knows. The cycle just repeat it self over and over again, such horror.
At the moment, I just wanted to be alone really, not contacting anyone that I know and love. Only few knows my situation now. not even my loves one. Feel kinda bad, not gonna lie, wish I can disappear and be somewhere else and start a new, with a new identity.
3 months ago, I sorta got a planned what to do with my life. I'm just completely lost. The amount of regret that I'm having right now is immense, like every decision I made for the last 12 month has come to haunt me back. Last 3 month I could at least planned out what to do, but now, I can't even see for the next 3 month. Completely have no idea where and what I would be at that time.
I'm just hoping that you are well and alive, no matter who you failed or what don't goes to plan, remember that the Syauqi as of right now, I love you and always be here to listen to your problem. There's is you and Allah, that's all you need.
I don't know where life is going to take me, but that in itself is beautiful. Where and what would I be in the next 3, 6, 12 month and 5 years is truly a beautiful mystery. Rest assure Syauqi, no matter what, you just have to keep on moving forward, even by an inch a day. You're a solitude of a person, it's best you let go of everyone when the times come and just live on your own, people tend to fail you and you also tend to fail people, but if you put your heart in Allah hand, I can assure you that you wont be fail.
Aight, that's all I have to say for now, remember on said something about not coming back to this blog. LOL! How wrong you were, you probably going to be here for quite a long time buddy, probably death will stop you eventually. All the best for you future endeavors, you'll need it ;) .
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