Sadness

At some point in my life, sadness has been something that make me feel alive. It make me feel like a living human being. It fill the empty heart and make it content, Even though the content is aching pain of sadness but

IT

MAKE

ME

FEEL ALIVE

Everyday is the same shit, everyday woke up feeling dreadful. You just wish that you were never born. Being exist is pain. But with all this feeling, this what makes me, me..... .I can really do much with my heart.

It isn't a slip of a switch and all the sudden i'm happy. Happy cant be chased but it comes naturally, but I kept chasing it, knowing that I wont ever feel happy EVER again with this life.

Problem, everyone face problem. I tried to face problem rather than tuck it away, but but but...... it wont go away....  . Sometimes i just let it consume me, just drift away, take the shortcut way to face my problem. Thus this create more problem for me, endless problem, endlessss........

Depression is killing me but at the same time makes me feel alive, so alive that suicide was once seems so reckless and stupid, it become more more reasonable towards me day by day.

It would be long gone if death wasn't pain and death wasn't a taboo thing.

I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN.

This is not for the public to read, this is my life time journal, my ups and down. I have no one to express my feeling to. One day i come back to this blog just to reflect back at what i have gone through.

Syauqi i'm going to be honest, life is fukin hard, I really want to give up already.............

SOMEBODY PLEASE FETCH ME FROM THIS NEVER-ENDING PAIN OF LIFE