I am the very epitome of LIE

Before we start discussing the meaning of "epitome", let just say I'm currently falling mad in love with this certain person.

let's call this person Cik Z, First time I met her were at the student learning common space. The first time I lay my eyes on here I had no feeling, no special feelings. But as we spoke to each other through whatsapp and other social media communication, I start falling for her.

As a guy that never had relationship with a girl, this was consider the very first serious feeling that I ever had in a long time. Never before I had this strong feeling of liking someone, never before this Cik Z ever moved me to changed my public appearance just so that I can caught her attention. I was losing sight of myself, I tried change to best suited this Cik Z preference. 

Then I realize.....................................

This was a one sided feeling, I'm pretty damn sure she doesn't feel the same way toward me. But, but....... I kept on chasing her. Ever since I came to UK, I've been struck with depression, lot more worse when i was back home. By meeting Cik Z, it brighten my day up, the present of someone in opposite sex to share my feeling with, but at the end it all was just a LIE. 

I'm so into her that I got so jealous that one of my friend able to talk to her so normally, that I couldn't. 

But as time past, i started building this wall again, the wall that to never to fall in love again. To fall for someone thats doesn't have the same feeling toward you is pain, I hate this feeling. This feeling which led me to worsening my depression. This feeling that make me loose confidence in myself. This feeling that make me judge my physical look, it make me hate myself, the way that i look discuss me.

Then again, just because you like someone you can force that very person to love you back, every person is a free person. No one like to force of shove things down their throat, same go's for Cik Z.

I wish I never had any emotion

KEEP MOVING FORWARD

 epitome

/ɪˈpɪtəmi,ɛˈpɪtəmi/

noun

1. 1.

   a person or thing that is a perfect example of a particular quality or type.

   
   

   "she looked the epitome of elegance and good taste"

   synonyms:

   personification, embodiment, incarnation, paragon; More